Youth and Experience
By Andrew Hazel
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The story revolves around two main characters. Alicia Medway is 16 years old at the start of the story, and Trevor Oakhurst is then 47 years old. The story is told in the third person, from a mixture of perspectives (mainly Trevor’s and Alicia’s).
Trevor Oakhurst is a widower whose wife, Linda, died a year before the story begins. He is still grieving for her, as the two of them had been married for 23 years and shared a very close and intimate relationship (intimate, that is, in the broadest sense). When the story starts, he is still finding it difficult to resume any kind of social life after his wife’s death.
Detailed
Synopsis
Alicia Medway is a very attractive teenage girl who has much more to her than just her looks. She is intelligent, well-spoken, musically gifted, thoughtful, occasionally funny, sometimes outspoken, speaks French fluently, and listens to well-reasoned advice without presuming that she and her friends are the ultimate authorities on everything.
Part 1 of the story tells of a romance which develops between Trevor and Alicia. It begins with a chance meeting on a park bench. After something of a false start, they strike up a conversation in which Alicia learns about Trevor’s recent loss and something of the relationship he and his wife had. This prompts her to confide in him about her uncertainties surrounding her own relationship with her current boyfriend, and to ask him for advice as to how to handle a particularly personal aspect of it. He gives her what she regards as very sound and worthwhile advice, and the two part on friendly terms.
Thereafter, the friendship grows, as the two of them continue to meet and begin to find qualities in each other which they admire and respect. They each begin to develop romantic feelings towards the other, but both are mindful of the age gap and both resolve to keep their feelings to themselves because of this seemingly-insurmountable barrier. By chance, they then discover each other’s feelings, and a true romance begins to develop. After some initial reservations on the part of Alicia’s parents – and of Trevor himself – the relationship blossoms and these worries are eventually quelled. Part 1 culminates in the two getting married on Alicia’s 18th birthday.
Part 2 begins three days after the wedding, when Trevor takes Alicia on honeymoon to a destination he has refused to reveal to her, and which turns out to be a Caribbean cruise. During the cruise, Alicia repeatedly amuses fellow-passengers with her lively, fun-loving nature. She also reveals, unintentionally, her skill with a piano, resulting in her being encouraged to sing to Trevor in front of an audience. She makes friends with the members of one of the bands on the ship, as a result of which, touched by Trevor’s many surprises for her, she secretly arranges with the band to sing a song for Trevor during one of their evening performances, as a way of thanking him. This goes down very well with the whole audience, as well as Trevor, and she subsequently finds herself often being encouraged to sing along with the band’s lead singer during their performances. In the end, her performances are so well-received that the cruise line presents the couple with a refund of their onboard “extras” together with a 50% discount off another cruise the following year. The hope is that Alicia will repeat her feat of enhancing her fellow-passengers’ holidays.
The trip home, and the first day back, reveals more about the couple’s feelings for each other. In particular, the first day at home finds Alicia coping with household chores while the jet-lagged Trevor sleeps. She finds the experience of finally being a “real” wife a very satisfying one. We then see them settling into a more normal routine, finally beginning their married life proper.
Part 3 continues the story 1 year on, when they go on another cruise to take up the offer made to them at the end of their honeymoon. By chance, they meet up with Linda’s sister (Melanie) and her family at the airport, and find they are also going on the cruise. Alicia demonstrates yet another facet to her persona, when she quickly befriends Melanie’s 5-year-old daughter.
On the cruise, Alicia is again encouraged to perform on-stage with the ship’s resident band, and after putting on a well-rehearsed show with them gets an even more positive reaction than before. This time, the cruise line responds by offering her a contract as a professional entertainer. Alicia and Trevor are taken by surprise, and she is uncertain how to respond. She is tempted to accept, but the mature side of her character asserts itself and she decides to take her time to consider the matter properly. Nevertheless, she continues to do a few performances with the band, as a way of thanking the company and the other passengers for their acclaim.
Then things begin to go a little sour. First, Alicia and Trevor have an argument over whether he really loves her as much as he did Linda. Then Alicia finds that her on-stage performances are having the effect of pushing the resident band’s lead singer aside. The whole situation prompts her to re-evaluate the priorities in her life. She contrasts the fickle world of show-business, as exemplified by the treatment of the established lead-singer, with the stability that Trevor has hitherto given her.
Alicia takes it upon herself to get the band’s lead-singer reinstated, by threatening to do no further shows, thus leaving the band without any lead-singer at all. Meanwhile, Trevor has done some thinking of his own and finds a way of proving to Alicia how much he loves her. The upshot of all this is that the two of them become reconciled, and Alicia decides that show-business is not for her. She prefers the reality and stability of her marriage to the fickle dream of fame and fortune. The story ends with her making this point to the ship’s Entertainments Manager, turning down the company’s offer of a contract
Chapter 1
Trevor Oakhurst sat on the park bench, watching the occasional passer-by and enjoying the early evening July sunshine. It was the first Friday of the month, and many of the people he had encountered on his stroll looked as though they were either on their way home from work, or else just setting out for the evening. He supposed that even many of the ones just coming home were intending to get changed and then go out for an evening with friends.
He really ought to make an effort to do that, too. It was barely a year since Linda's untimely and totally unexpected death, though, and he still couldn't work up much enthusiasm for socialising. Maybe he'd feel more sociable in another few months, when he'd had time to grieve. He and Linda had been incredibly close, and the pain of bereavement was still with him. Maybe it was a pain that would never leave him. It was for sure he would never find anyone else like his late wife. Thank goodness things hadn't been too hectic in the warehouse this last few months. It had meant he had more time to himself in the evenings, and he hadn't had to stay late to supervise his staff. These quiet evening strolls were a good way of unwinding, and they gave him time to reflect on things alone.
His attention was caught by a teenage girl walking into view from his left, heading for the bench on the other side of the path directly opposite him. She was one of those young women you occasionally saw in everyday life whose looks could give most professional models a good run for their money. She was absolutely stunning, yet she was wearing little or no makeup, and her clothes were the kind any girl her age might put on to go out for the evening – good looking but nothing fancy. Her hair was a pale, golden-blonde colour with natural, loose curls, and came to about halfway down her neck. It was neatly arranged behind her ears, leaving them visible and showing off a pretty pair of ear studs which were set with dark blue stones that looked like sapphires. She had a lovely face and beautiful eyes, but there was a definite hint of youth about her. She couldn't have been more than seventeen, possibly a little younger, Trevor decided. She was wearing a pale-blue, loose-fitting blouse with long sleeves, and a short, white, pleated skirt which came down to just above her knees. Her legs were clad in shiny, flesh-coloured stockings or tights, and she wore a pair of white sandals with flat heels. In her right hand, she carried a tiny white handbag.
She sat down on the bench opposite and looked back along the path in the direction from which she'd come. Then she looked the other way, towards Trevor's right. Then she looked straight at Trevor, and seemed to notice him for the first time.
Trevor smiled back at her, and he should have left it at that and focussed his attention elsewhere. He knew he was being rude by continuing to look at her, but for some reason he found he couldn't take his eyes off her. Something about her made him think of Linda, even though there was little, appearance-wise, that they could be said to share. Linda had been a brunette, rather than a blonde, and her hair had always been long and wavy. Even so, there was something about this girl that brought Linda to mind. Maybe it was just her outstanding good looks. Or perhaps this was yet another example of how much he was missing his wife – he was seeing her everywhere.
This girl's parents must certainly be pleased to have such a lovely daughter, Trevor mused. He and Linda had never had any children, but if they had he could have wished for a daughter as pretty as this. It would have been a real privilege to raise such a girl and watch her growing up and becoming a woman.
"Seen enough?" the girl suddenly said, her tone icy. "If you're hoping I might let you have a quick flash, forget it."
Trevor immediately felt acutely embarrassed at his lack of manners, and rather disturbed at his behaviour. She was perfectly right to be upset, and he could hardly object to the conclusion she had come to. What the hell did he think he was doing, ogling her like that? Grief for the loss of his wife was no excuse for worrying a young girl in that way.
"I'm most terribly sorry," he said, getting to his feet. "I don't see many young ladies as pretty as you, but that's no excuse for staring at you like that. I'll go away and leave you in peace."
Her expression immediately changed to one of contrition.
"No, don't go," she said, in a much more softly-spoken voice. "That was very spiteful of me. After all, you were there first; you didn't choose to be sitting opposite me."
"It's very nice of you to say that, but I was behaving like a total creep just then. I should go."
"Please don't, else you'll leave me feeling guilty all evening," she said. "It's a free country and, like I said, it was my choice to sit here."
"Oh, well, if you insist..."
Trevor resumed his seat and made an effort to look anywhere except at her. After a couple of minutes she got up and came across the path.
"Mind if I join you on this seat?" she asked.
"Of course you may," he said, looking up at her in surprise.
"Only you're looking very uncomfortable, sitting there trying not to look at me again. Maybe if I sit beside you, you won't find yourself having to avoid looking straight ahead. It'll be less embarrassing for both of us."
She sat down next to him, near enough to be able to hold a conversation but far enough to remain discreet.
"I really am sorry I snapped at you like that," she said. "It's just that I often get men leering at me, and it gets a little tiresome. That was no excuse for accusing you of doing it, though. I could see you weren't staring in that way."
"No, but I was staring, wasn't I?" Trevor said, feeling that he should return such a sincere apology. "It was very rude of me, and it's not the way I normally behave towards pretty young ladies."
"My name's Alicia Medway," she said, holding out her right hand.
"Trevor Oakhurst," Trevor replied, shaking her hand. "Your name is as pretty as you are."
"Thank you, it's very kind of you to say that."
Shaking hands with him gave Alicia the excuse she needed to have a proper look at this rather kindly-looking man whom she had all but accused of ogling her. His age was difficult to discern, but he looked to be about her parents' generation, give or take a few years. His hair was short and just beginning to go grey, but he still had a full head of it, unlike her Dad. He was of slim build, without being skinny, and he was of about average height, as best as she could judge while he was sitting. His eyes were brown, with faint crows-feet at the edges, and the impression of good-humour was reinforced by the general appearance of the rest of his face. He looked like he laughed a lot; although, at second glance, there were worry-lines across his forehead, which suggested perhaps he had some stresses in his life. He was dressed in beige trousers and a light-tan coloured jacket, under which a white shirt collar suggested he had perhaps been working in an office all day. Maybe his job had been stressful lately.
For his part, Trevor found himself captivated by the girl's eyes. They were a brilliant blue colour which drew the attention instantly. He had never before seen anyone with eyes quite that colour. They were definitely her best feature, and that was saying something – her whole appearance was lovely. Close-up, she was even prettier than he had thought.
Realising he was staring yet again, he smiled and focussed his attention on his surroundings.
"Just to reassure you," he said, "I was actually wishing I had a daughter like you just now; nothing more salacious than that. Your Mum and Dad must be really proud of having such a lovely girl."
She swallowed and looked down at her feet. "You're making me feel even more guilty about the way I reacted. I suppose I owe you an explanation for that, in return. I'm on my way to meet my boyfriend for the evening, and I'm feeling a little on edge. That's why I got so irritable when I saw you looking."
"Meeting a boyfriend doesn't sound like the kind of thing that ought to put you on edge," Trevor observed. "He doesn't mistreat you, does he?"
"Oh, no, it's nothing like that," she said quickly, looking up. "It's just... well, it's a little personal."
"Say no more. It's none of my business."
There was an awkward silence.
"I take it from what you said that you're married?" Alicia asked suddenly. "Were you wishing for a daughter as well as existing sons, or did you mean you don't have any kids at all?"
"No, my wife and I never had children," Trevor said. The pain of bereavement hit him once more, and it was a few seconds before he could compose himself to elaborate further. "She died just coming up to a year ago, so I guess I never will have any, now."
"I'm so sorry," Alicia said, upset at having touched what was clearly still a raw nerve. "That's just like me, asking the wrong question."
He raised his hand in a gesture of reassurance. "It's quite alright, my love. You couldn't possibly have known my circumstances, so there's no need for you to feel bad about asking a perfectly natural question. Anyway, I should be over it now, or so a lot of my friends keep telling me."
"How long were you married, if that's not another ill-timed question?" she asked after another pause.
"Twenty-three years."
"No!" she exclaimed in astonishment. "You don't look that old!"
"What a nice young lady you are! I'm forty-seven, but I suppose I've always looked after myself. It's nice to hear it's paying off so well, though."
"So you were married at twenty-four?"
"Twenty-three," he corrected. "Just before my twenty-third birthday, in fact. I was counting twenty-three years of marriage up to last year. Yes, I was married at nearly twenty-three to the loveliest lady in the world. For some reason, you remind me a little of her, although I can't work out why. That's another reason why I was staring so rudely – I was trying to decide what it was about you that seemed so much like her. Maybe it's just that you're only a few years younger than she was when we first met."
"How old do you think I am, then?" she asked, looking squarely at him.
"About sixteen?" he guessed, deciding to err in the direction his first impression had suggested. He was striving for accuracy, rather than trying to flatter her.
She raised her eyebrows. "Spot on! Mum always says I look eighteen."
"No, you've still got that slightly young-looking appearance. I suppose a young lad might believe you're eighteen, but I've been around long enough to be able to tell."
"Have you known a lot of women, then?"
"No, that wasn't what I meant," he said, feeling inexplicably embarrassed at the implication behind her question. "I meant I've had longer to get used to what people look like at different ages. No, Linda's the only lady I've known. In the sense you meant, at any rate."
Now Alicia was looking embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to suggest anything... what was that word you just used? ...salacious?"
"That's the word I used," Trevor agreed.
"The two of you must have had something very special, if she was your first. Were you her first? No! Sorry! Forget I asked that!" She put her hand to her forehead in a gesture of self-reproach. "I can't believe I just asked a total stranger such a personal question!"
"It's okay, Alicia," he said, gesturing reassurance once more. "It was personal, yes, but no more so than what I've already volunteered about myself. Yes, we were both the first ones for each other. And yes, it was a very special thing we had between us. Our relationship was very intimate, and not only in the modern sense of that word. We both trusted each other completely, and we had no secrets from each other. For example, if she were still alive..." His voice faltered for a moment, and he had to swallow a couple of times to compose himself. "If she were still alive, I could go back home to her and tell her I'd just met a really pretty girl in the park, and she would not have assumed for a moment that there had been anything more to it than that. She was never the kind to get jealous about me talking to other women, because she knew she was the one for me. And it was the same for me. I never felt a moment of jealousy during our whole married life. I knew I was her man."
"That's a very special kind of love," Alicia agreed. "I'd like to meet someone that special."
"Do I take it from that comment that your current boyfriend isn't that special person?"
She stared quietly at her feet for a long time, and Trevor wondered if he had overstepped the bounds of friendly conversation.
"I'm not sure," she said at last.
She looked at him and studied the kindly face which seemed to give such an accurate impression of his kindly manner. Dare she tell him what was really on her mind? He was a complete stranger, after all. On the other hand, he seemed friendly and easy to talk to, and he had been married long enough to have a good understanding of the ways of the world. Maybe he could give her the advice she needed. It wasn't something she really felt comfortable asking her parents about, and none of her friends would have any better idea what to do than she did herself, however much they would insist they did. And she really needed advice right now, before she kept her date with Jason. If she left it till another day to ask someone, it might be too late. Who else was there to ask? Go for it, Alicia.
"Actually, I could do with some advice, if you don't mind me bending your ear," she said nervously. "After talking to you, I feel I've got to know you well enough to ask you this, even though it's very personal. I'd be grateful if you didn't say anything to anyone else about what I'm going to ask, though."
"Well, I'll do my best, and I promise I won't betray your confidence, whatever the problem is," Trevor said, wondering what she was going to ask him.
"I've known my boyfriend for a couple of months now," she began. "Over the last three or four weeks, he's been starting to hint that he'd like us to begin a physical relationship. The hints have been getting gradually more direct this last two weeks, and I'm fairly certain he's going to ask me straight-out to sleep with him tonight. Part of me wants to say yes, but something else makes me think I ought to wait till I know him better. I don't know what to do."
Trevor's first reaction was surprise. The impression one got from the media was that teenagers these days had active sex lives long before the law admitted they were old enough for such things. Yet from the way Alicia described her situation, it was clear she had no experience to guide her. His first inclination was to express his surprise, but he realised that this would not be the most tactful thing he could do. She had asked for advice, not condescension, and it must have cost her quite a bit in the way of courage to ask a total stranger about something so personal. The least he could do was show respect for her wisdom in seeking advice.
"It must be the oldest conundrum in the world, mustn't it?" he said with a faint smile. "How do you know when it's the right time to take that step in a relationship? Well, it seems to me that the most important question you have to ask yourself is, what do you feel about him?"
She shrugged. "I like him. He's about the same age as me. He's fun to be with, and he treats me well enough. He's never mistreated me, as you put it, and he knows how to kiss me properly."
"You've mostly just told me what you think about the way he behaves," Trevor said. "What do you think about him as a person? Do you feel he's the one you'd want to spend the rest of your life with?"
She hesitated. "I could do worse."
"That's always going to be true, unless he's a total gorilla. I didn't ask if you felt you could put up with him, I asked if you wanted to be with him forever."
"I don't know."
"Put it another way, could you live without him?"
She hesitated again. "I suppose I'd feel a bit upset if we had a bust-up, but I think I'd get over him. What's all this got to do with sleeping with him, though? I'm not thinking of marrying him, or even moving in with him."
"It's obvious from the way you're talking that you don't have any previous experience of such a relationship," he said. "Having sex with someone is a much more intimate and special thing than you might expect. It totally transforms your relationship with the other person in ways that are never mentioned in sex-education. At least, I don't remember those aspects of it being discussed when I was a teenager."
"Well, it would make us lovers, I realise that," she said.
"Yes, but do you know what that means?" he said. "It's more than just a word from a romantic novel, you know. It means that the other person becomes someone with whom you have been intimate. Before it happens, they're just another acquaintance, however close. Afterwards, you've been as intimate with them as it's possible to be – physically, at any rate. You can never go back to being just good acquaintances after that. It's a one-way process. Even if you separate and don't meet each other again for ten years, he will still be someone with whom you've shared that particular bond. That could cause complications, or at least awkward situations, at some point in the future. After all, who knows what your circumstances and aspirations will be in ten years time?"
She was thoughtful for some time after this.
"That sounds like just the kind of insight I was looking for," she said at last, nodding. "I'm glad I decided to ask you for advice. Anything else I should think about?"
"Afterwards, the other person will almost seem like part of yourself. And, more to the point, he will feel the same way about you, if you're lucky. He'll feel a bond with you which could make it more difficult to extricate yourself from the relationship if you change your mind. Breaking up after such a big step would be a whole lot more emotional than if it has never happened."
"Hang on, back up a little. What did you mean by 'if I'm lucky'?"
"Alicia, you're an unusually pretty a young woman, if you'll excuse me for making such a personal comment. That isn't just a matter of aesthetics; it can mean that men want to sleep with you just for the kudos of having been with such a gorgeous woman. If you're unlucky - and I'm not suggesting this is the case, you understand – your boyfriend might want no more than that, and he might feel very little for you as a person. Some men see a pretty woman as little more than a sophisticated sex-toy."
"I'm not a toy!" Alicia said indignantly.
"No, love, I'm not suggesting you are for a moment," Trevor said gently. "That wasn't a personal opinion, and I apologise if it came across like that. It was an observation of the way some men are with women. What I'm trying to say is, the man is virtually guaranteed satisfaction, especially when the woman is as pretty as you. That doesn't mean he'll take the trouble to ensure you enjoy the experience. When a man shows so little consideration for the woman, he is effectively treating her like a toy."
"I see what you mean," she said thoughtfully. "It sounds like you think I ought to say no, if my boyfriend does ask me tonight?"
"That's a decision which only you can make. What do you think? Do you want to sleep with him? I'm not asking you that out of any personal need to know, of course, and you don't have to tell me your answer; but you should at least know in your own mind what you want."
"I'm not sure," she said thoughtfully, showing neither resentment nor embarrassment at the personal nature of the question he had posed.
"If you're uncertain, then the answer is probably no," Trevor told her. "Like I said, it's one of those decisions that can't be undone after it's too late. Maybe the best thing you can do – for both of you – is to wait until you are certain what the answer should be. Then, if you eventually decide you don't ever want to sleep with him, there's no harm done."
She smiled. "Yes, that sounds like a sensible way of dealing with it. Isn't it odd how, when you talk things over with someone else, the answer suddenly seems so obvious that you can't think why you didn't see it yourself? Thanks ever so much for your advice. You've made a lot of sense, and helped me get my thoughts together. I'm really grateful for being allowed to bend your ear with my teenage problems."
"That's quite alright, Alicia," he said. "You're an unusually level-headed young lady to be seeking that kind of advice, especially from someone you've only just met. I'm glad you feel my advice has been worth having, and I hope I haven't come across as sounding judgemental or patronising – or worse still, nosey. There's one more thing you might want to consider as well, though, if you don't mind me offering a little more advice on an even more sensitive subject."
"What's that?"
"If you do eventually decide to go through with it, what sort of contraception are you going to use?"
She looked horrified. "I hadn't even thought of that!"
"You should use something," Trevor said. "Again, I'm not being judgemental, I'm just trying to think of all the points to consider. If you got pregnant – which you easily could even after just the once – it would complicate matters enormously. You might also want to avoid the risk of infection. I'm not suggesting that either you or your boyfriend have any nasty diseases, but... well, there's no point taking unnecessary chances, is there? I'd suggest using a condom, as that takes care of both concerns."
She seemed embarrassed. "That's really his department, isn't it?"
"Not if it's your health and you risking pregnancy."
"But I can't go and buy a condom! It would look like I was going out of my way to get laid! I don't want him to think I'm easy."
"He needn't know you've got one on you, need he?" Trevor pointed out.
"I suppose not. Not unless he needs to know, anyway. Even so, it's an embarrassing sort of thing to buy, isn't it? Especially being a woman."
"There are such things as female condoms, you know," Trevor pointed out.
"Yes, and I can imagine how much fiddlier they must be to use than the ones for men. People often get pregnant because the man won't stop to put one on. Imagine having to persuade my boyfriend to wait while I mess about with a female condom."
"If you really think he's that impatient, then you also know what the decision should be, don't you? In any case, there's no reason why using a condom has to be a dampener. They can be used as part of the foreplay. Linda and I always used to do that, after she decided to stop using the Pill."
Alicia smiled at him. "Aren't we getting intimate, in your old-fashioned sense? I feel as though I've known you for years already. Okay, I'll try to steel myself to buy a condom before I go and meet him, just in case I decide to go ahead with it. I just hope it's a woman serving, not a man."
Trevor chuckled. "I remember very well how I always had exactly the opposite wish. Here."
He fished in the inside pocket of his jacket and produced a small, square plastic packet. He passed it to her. Her face went red as she turned it over and realised what it was. She looked at him with a mixture of embarrassment and curiosity.
He shrugged. "I've been carrying it around for nearly two years. It was supposed to be in case Linda and I ever found ourselves somewhere secluded and in the mood. It's not much use to me now, so you might as well have it. It'll save you some embarrassment, and it might save you more than that. I know it's an odd sort of thing for a young girl to be given by a man she's only just met and who's old enough to be her father, but it seems sort of appropriate to give it to you under the circumstances. I hope you're not offended or alarmed by me giving it to you."
She looked at it once more, then closed her hand around it with more reverence than such an item deserved.
"Thank you ever so much," she said. "I probably won't need it tonight, but I think it's one of the most thoughtful things I've ever been given. If I ever do use it, I hope the occasion will live up to what you and your wife had together."
She put it in her handbag and closed the hasp firmly.
"I hope I haven't said or done anything during our little chat that gave the impression I was trying anything on," Trevor said. "I realise it was perhaps a little embarrassing to raise the subject of contraception, but I thought it was something important that you needed to consider."
"Not at all, Trevor," she said quickly. "You were dead right to mention it. Oh, boy, were you right! I can't believe I hadn't thought about something so obvious! I feel as though I've just had a really narrow squeak. Imagine if I hadn't met you, and Jason asked me tonight! I might well have gone along with it, without ever having thought about the things you've pointed out. I feel so relieved after this chat!" She sighed. "Well, I'd better be on my way, I suppose. Jason's probably already on his way to the burger bar in town where we're meeting. I'd better not be too far behind him, else I'll get the usual teasing about women always being late."
They both stood up.
"Once again, thanks so much for that little chat, and for your advice," she said. "I really will think about what you said. I feel as though it's been really valuable advice."
She held out her hand again and Trevor shook it.
"Thank you for chatting to me," he said. "It isn't often I get the chance to talk to such an intelligent and attractive young lady. You've really made my day. And thanks for forgiving my earlier rudeness. Look after yourself, Alicia, and whatever happens, have a good time."
They went their separate ways; Trevor back home and Alicia to catch her bus.